Angelic Revelations - the Gospel of God’s Love
Letters and Essays
Part II
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Dedication I love you. Standing in the middle of this Garden of Eden gone to seed, I yearn to know you. We are alive. Sharing this space, we breathe the same air, we stumble on the same root that rises before our tentative step. I need your hand, you need mine. Hand in hand, we may discover a new heart and create a new Eden. Heart to heart, we may come to the Hearth of the Great Spirit and understand that we are here to love, only love. A close friend of mine says I am a desperate person, as are most people who seek truth, God, the answer to all questions. Yes, I am desperate, desperate to fix something terribly wrong. I hope and pray that there is a solution to this mess we are in. I was born in 1953, with my brother, Marc. We were joined two years later by our brother, Joe, making us a middle-class family of five. We lived in a California coastal town on a small ranch owned by my grandmother where my great-grandmother, aunts and cousins also lived. We were raised Catholic, as my father wished. My first impression of God was mostly loving, and a growing sense of the presence of Divine Love was strengthened by my frequent prayers that my parents stop fighting - a prayer that, to my childish imagination of happy endings, was never fulfilled. My father prayed with us almost every night. My mother, of no religious persuasion herself, was curious about God, and so participated in this benign ritual. Desperate soul as she was, she told me of an experience that came in answer to her prayer that if there really was a God, somehow it could be proven to her. My younger brother had asthma and was prone to attacks at night. One night, my mother dreamed that Joe's coughing awakened her. She went into the kitchen, found a cough drop on a shelf, and gave it to him. He stopped coughing. She woke shortly after and heard Joe coughing. Clearly remembering her dream, she went into the kitchen, found the cough drop on the shelf, and gave it to him. He stopped coughing. She took this as a sign, and it gave her hope. I realized early in my life that a tangible reality hangs just beyond our physical senses - something very real and powerful. But knowledge comes at a cost. Between wakefulness and sleep, I began to have a recurring feeling of being momentarily caught in a vortex. Powerless to control it, it was as if an unseen force was physically tossing me around. I believed this wakeful nightmare to be the "devil," unaware at the time that devils are only disembodied mortals in hells of their own creation. I was not only afraid of these nighttime specters, but also of the violent arguments between my parents. I prayed to the benevolent forces that watch over good children - a glow-in-the-dark statue of Mary, the mother of Jesus, was always next to my bed. By high school I left the cocoon of Catholic rituals, finding solace in nature. During his stay in Yosemite Valley, John Muir wrote: "I have not been at church a single time since leaving home. Yet this glorious valley might well be called a church, for every lover of the great Creator who comes within the broad overwhelming influences of the place, fails not to worship, as he never did before." During my walks in the woods and valleys surrounding my home I began to feel God with me, more so than I did during the Mass, and I preferred this deepening personal relationship. My mother's search for truth led her to study the testimonies of psychics who believed that not only was there life after death, but that communication with spirits was a normal occurrence. She read to us their astonishing stories, and encouraged us to study them. When I was 15, my mother and I attended a psychic development class, hoping to "make contact." The teacher's cheerful self-confidence impressed me, and when she told us of a weekly study group led by her friend, George Stokes, I agreed to go. Upon meeting him he proposed an experiment: With all of my beliefs intact, pray for God's Divine Love and wait and see what happens. The pure simplicity of his suggestion piqued my interest. The experiment was successful - I was hooked on unconditional love. George taught from a body of messages received in the early 1900s by James Padgett through the means of automatic writing, a form of mediumship that allows a spirit to use the brain and hand of a mortal to write their thoughts. The "True Gospel Revealed Anew by Jesus," exposed the falsities of religious doctrines, and promoted the concept of an all-loving God. As I began to study the writings in earnest, George encouraged me to develop my evident psychic abilities. I was 18 when I received my first "love letter" from my guide, Mary. Encouraging me to trust my goodness, the angels spoke to my heart, and I listened. My mother and I left our home to go with George to the East Coast to teach others about the message of Love. My brother, Marc, followed, and for the next 8 years we drew together a large spiritual family. I met and married a young man in the church we established as the "Church of Divine Birth." To my chagrin, I continued to be subject to the disturbing visitations of dark spirits, despite my understanding that they can only interfere with us when given permission. I avoided taking naps, fearful of my powerlessness to stop them. Shortly after my first daughter was born, I was resting with her one afternoon when I became aware of the familiar unwelcome influence. Wanting to spare her, I prayed with all my heart to be free from their fearful grip. The thought was so "loud," I believed I heard: God helps those who help themselves. I was 22 when I realized that it was my fear alone that attracted dark spirits to me. My sense of powerlessness left, and the visitations have never recurred. Each brave step we take in faith that Love is gently guiding us brings us closer to understanding our personal power. When we sincerely pray for God's Help, our eyes become open to see the truth. Through our desire and will to receive the gift of Divine Love, our fear and powerlessness is transformed into a kind will supported by universal law. It matters not to whom the truth is ascribed - it is ascribed to God and the awakening of our soul. Love is "out there" - a real and living power waiting to show us who and what we are in the scheme of things. Many years and life-events confirm my knowledge that we are not born fools. We know not to dip our cup into an empty well. When we trust that we are not alone - that the One Who put us here is watching, waiting - then we will ask for a sign, a clue. Only a fool asks no questions. I will ask, and ask again, for what I do not have. In turn, I want to give the best love that I can. I recommend that you try desperation. Don't accept what life has handed you without a fight. Throw your head back and scream, "It has to get better than this!" Toss your hat into the ring. Be a contender the world had better watch out for, because you have a powerful, if invisible, army on your side. And we all love you. I can only learn where I am and where I am going from myself; it is the sum of who I am and what I desire. Amada Reza August 6, 2001
Since I was a small child, I can remember praying to God, to Jesus and as an adult to the Virgin Mary. My grandmother was my inspiration in many of my beliefs as a child and I suppose my questions as an adult. She taught me things from the Bible that I thought were important to believe in and remember. She was a Christian but didn't think that God cared which church you attended because He loves us one and all. The important thing was the belief in God. She had great respect for God. She wouldn't sew a stitch on Sunday and always, when able, attended Sunday church services. As an adult, I tried to fit into the Church environment and always felt that there was something missing. There had to be a more logical and simple way. I asked myself many questions such as, why is there so much contradiction in this book from God? Why are there so many different churches and beliefs? If God is so perfect how could he write a book that needs so much and has so many interpretations? If God is so good and powerful, how can there be so much evil? Why am I going to Hell if I don't go to confession? How can a mere mortal/priest forgive my sins? How can 5 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Fathers forgive the sin I committed if the priest just gave me absolution. Why am I going to Hell if I don't eat the host? What gives a priest the power to turn wine into the Blood of Christ? How can The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit be One? Why do I have to accept this as fact to become a member of the church. Does God, the Father, hold a grudge? How could God make everything in nature so perfect and beautiful and leave us with a book we all cannot comprehend in the same way? What condition exactly does God need me to be in before he will accept me as His child? How does going to church and listening to the priest tell me who to vote for have anything to do with my spirituality and the betterment of soul? How can a priest stand before his congregation and ask for a donation to help feed the retired nuns in Arizona who are on food stamps when the Vatican is so wealthy? And on, and on, and on. My belief was that God the Father was a loving God. That we are all God's children and He will love us no matter what we do or say. If that's true, then the operative words here are Father and children. Parents love there children in a way that cannot be taken away for any reason. Sure, parents get mad at their children but they continue to love and protect their children in the best way they can. Children love their parents. They follow their parents wherever they are led. They learn from their parents sometimes and other times they disobey and go the opposite direction. But the love of a parent for a child and child for a parent never dies. So if you look at God and His children in this way, what is seen is a kind of love that can never be lost. Postponed, set-aside, yes. But still a love that will never end. When I found the Truths website, I read the introduction. I thought ... yeah, right, okay, sure another bunch of crazies! But I did as the introduction suggested and that was not to think where the messages came from but to read for content with an open mind and heart. After all, I was searching for answers. And so I began. Like any good book, the more I read, the more I wanted to read. I needed to read. It's not a book of suspense that keeps you coming back for more until you reach the end. It is a book of logical answers, love and beauty that excite, overwhelm and inspire you in your day to day life. I don't know that I can explain the unconditional love and logical comprehension that I experienced while reading those messages. But, I continue to go back to absorb all that I can. In those pages, I found my personal thoughts and beliefs had merit. That God does not love one denomination over another or one race over another. He doesn't see you as or care how wealthy or poor you are; if you are Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Pentecostal, or Jew; black, white, red, brown or yellow; Indian, Chinese, American, Russian, Arabic, German, etc. We are His children. With His Divine Love, He loves us no matter what condition we are in. The simple Unconditional Love of a Parent for the child is what I found in the messages. Like any good parent, when you are ready to receive the Father's Love, all you have to do is ask. Ask sincerely from your heart and soul, and He will give it to you. Not much to ask for is it? Bear with me. I have a short story. One beautiful day, I was sitting in a field. I looked down and saw a patch of ordinary clover. All of the leaves of the clover seemed to be exactly the same. Yet, when I put one leaf next to another, they were different. Each an individual leaf unlike the other. None were exactly the same. "What purpose did it have?" was my question. The production of the clover was a beautifully scented flower. Nothing fancy or exotic, yet, beautiful, multi-colored and complex in structure. And once in a great while, (it is said if you are very lucky) you'll find a four-leafed clover. That's how I felt after reading the messages. Like I had found (or was) that unique four-leafed clover. During and after reading the Padgett Messages, was the first day of the rest of my existence. That day and everyday since has been my lucky day. Within those messages you will find as I did, the way to logic, love, beauty, peace of mind, soul development and so much more. Soul development that makes the child in you begin to heal and mature. The messenger is not important. However, the message is of great importance to us all. God's Love, Speed and Blessings to all... Diane (doc) Kramer
GOD IS
LOVE On the surface of things, the above statement seems like a simple enough concept to understand. Virtually anyone exposed to natural human love, in terms of both example and personal feeling, understands something about love; and, by analogy, can appreciate to at least some extent what the Love of God might mean. But how do we truly comprehend and appreciate the Love of God? Emotionally, perhaps, by extending our natural appreciation of love experienced humanly to some imagined exalted degree? As human beings, we are only equipped to feel our own emotions. We cannot actually feel what is in the heart of a brother or sister because emotions are not directly transferable from one human heart to another. This being so, are we then to conclude that the closest approximation we can have of God's Love is that it is like the love father, mother, brother or sister may feel for us, only greater? Is it like what we ourselves may feel for others? As a child, and even as a young adult, this approximation of God's Love represented the limits of my own mental and emotional comprehension. I had always believed that God loved me. However, in the last analysis, this belief of mine still constituted only an affirmation of faith based upon certain external and indirect premises. No one has ever seen God or heard His Voice because, as we are taught, God is a Spirit without human form. But even if this were not so - even if God could or would appear to us in some visible form and tell us of His Love, this would still not put us in any position that would be substantially different from hearing our family members telling us the same thing. As reassuring as this would undoubtedly be, if God's Love were no different from human love, our direct benefit from God's Love would still be necessarily limited by our own indirect emotional assessments. God's actual and Own Love would still not be felt for, presumably, His Love would not be directly transferable either. . . (or would it?) Most of us have prayed to God hoping that He was "out there," hoping that He was listening, hoping that He would fulfill our requests. And, while praying, undoubtedly most of us have been occasionally disturbed by the intrusive and disturbing thought, "Am I but only talking to myself?" After all, God does not verbally respond. How do we know, therefore, that He is even really listening? If a material prayer is fulfilled in some subsequent fashion, we have some "evidence" that God must have indeed heard and responded to us. But then the doubt creeps in, "Did God answer my prayer or was this fulfillment simply the result of chance or some cause and effect circumstance that still would have occurred whether or not I had prayed at all?" Even granting that we do conclude and believe that it was God Himself who fulfilled our material request, there is always the doubt of the "next time" to have to once again confront and resolve. In the last analysis, the fulfillment of a material prayer, while it may give rise to greater hope or faith, still does not really confirm the Reality of God's Love in operation as far as soulful confirmation is concerned. As rational beings as well, we are also left with at least some degree of mental doubt. God need not have answered our prayer, even though we may prefer to believe that He did. Had not my own soul yearned for a more personal confirmation of God's Love, the chances are that I would have passed through my mortal life ongoingly plagued with doubts and a lack of fulfillment. Rationally, I knew that no material answer to prayer and no external miracle, so-called, would ever serve to absolutely confirm the Reality of God's Love within myself. Ah, but there was the not as yet discovered key: "within"! God's Love could not be absolutely confirmed from without. Might It instead be confirmed from within? For quite some time my soul gave me no peace. As a child of God, I could not conceive that absolutely no communication with God was possible. If I could pray directly to God, certainly God, so much greater than I, could respond directly to me if He chose to do so. "Could," yes, but would He? And, if so, what was I to do to encourage His response, not even knowing how to proceed? Would I even recognize His response, should it come? There was no way that I could preconceive what a direct response from God would be like. All I can tell you, dear reader, is that I wanted God! With all the longing of my soul, that had been slowly but surely cultivated for Him within me over the years, I began to pray as I never prayed before. With the open heart of a child, and with a great desire borne of years of former searching, I prayed to our Great Father with all the energy and soul longing I could muster from the depths of my being. My words were clothed in terms of simply wanting to feel His Presence, to know Him in some direct, personal, and intimate way. But words notwithstanding, God knew it was His Love that I was seeking. And although my prayer did not ask for an immediate response, inasmuch as I felt that this response sometime within the span of my mortal life would be a most blessed and more than sufficient fulfillment, an immediate response did come nevertheless, much to my surprise and wonderment. What words can I select to express such sublimity? How does one describe an "orgasm of soul"? How does one describe a momentary feeling and absolute knowledge of immortality? How does one describe the uniting of Soul with soul where Personality and personality, for a moment of time, merge as one? How does one describe a Living Substance Divine that permeates and fills the soul with ineffable bliss? Human descriptive terms cannot actually capture the Reality of the Divine experience that I am rather inadequately attempting to present merely with words. But anyone who has had this experience certainly discovers a Reality beyond the material senses of man. It is little wonder that Jesus' disciples felt the Pentecostal visitation of God's Love to be like a " great rush of wind," shaking their very souls. Its impact indeed can be described to be "moving" to say the least! After having had this experience, I remained in a state of awe for several days thereafter. But when I later attempted to describe and share this experience with friends, I discovered how very difficult it was to do so. This had been my experience, not theirs, and I was really unable to advise them exactly as to how they might attain the same communication with God that I was so privileged to have experienced. As time passed, the memory of this personal experience stayed vividly with me. But what I had yet to learn was that the reception of God's Love was ongoingly possible. I had wrongly assumed that, with God having answered my prayer in this most conclusive way, I should content myself with this privileged unitary experience as a once-and-for-all affirmation of the Reality of God's Love, period. If ever any proof had been given, I had received it. How faithless it would have been of me, so it seemed, to have asked for "more," to say nothing of gluttonous! However, fortunately for me, the story did not end there. While continuing to read all manner of spiritual literature in an attempt to perhaps discover someone else's similar experience, I "chanced" to come upon a book by Brad Steiger that contained, among other revelations, a few excerpts allegedly from Jesus as revealed through the automatic writings of a one Mr. James E. Padgett, lawyer and assistant district attorney in the Washington D.C. area in the early 1900s. Could this be possible? Would Jesus actually communicate through a medium of today? What on earth for, assuming that he could? I was first amazed that four volumes of similar writings by Jesus and other departed spirits were available. But what really intrigued me was their singular title: "True" Gospel Revealed Anew by Jesus (quotes mine). The implication was immediately obvious. "True" implied corrections. And if ever there was a book that seemed desperately in need of corrections, as far as I was concerned, it was the Bible. Could this be, in a totally unexpected way, a Second Coming of Jesus - a coming that might be serving to set the record straight? Well, I read all four of those volumes, since re-edited and renamed Angelic Revelations of Divine Truth. And here was the "kicker," as they say in the vernacular: What I read in those four volumes of messages described both accurately and in infinite detail the exact soulful inflow of God's Love that I had experienced four years before - yes, well before I had ever read about this confirming experience and open possibility for all to attain through the same kind of fervent prayer and soulful longing I had exercised back then. It is one thing to read something, try what is recommended, and attain success to become at least partially convinced of a discovered truth. But to have received this Love first, and then to have this experience confirmed four years later is about as absolutely convincing and confirming as any purported truth could be. I wasn't "psyched" into believing something that I had only read about. What I read merely confirmed what I had first experienced - ever so much more convincing than the other way around! And what did Jesus and other of his disciples have to say? Simply and briefly put, God's Love is available to all who sincerely seek It through prayer. This was precisely the "Way" that Jesus originally taught a man might achieve true communion with God and eventual angelic status. The repeated inflow of this Love into our souls, through the messenger and instrumentality of God's Holy Spirit, is that which begins to purify and transform them over time, and with greater abundance, into divine souls, partaking of the very Substance of God's Own Soul and making us no longer human and finite souls, but transformed angelic and immortal souls. Jesus qualifies that true angelic children of God do not achieve this status through a meritorious process wherein good thoughts and good works eventually qualify one for Celestial residence among the divine. Neither is this status gained by a mere belief in Jesus' name or in any falsely alleged vicarious atonement of his. As Jesus clearly and emphatically points out in his many hundreds of messages through Mr. Padgett, our Father is not a wrathful God who sought an expiation for men's sins through the sacrifice and death of a beloved son. Rather, He is a Loving Father who used Jesus as His messenger and instrumentality to proclaim to the world the glad tidings of the renewed availability of His Divine Love that had been temporarily withdrawn from mankind between the many years of man's fall from Grace and Jesus' advent into the world. With this re-bestowed availability of God's Divine Love, Jesus, who represented a "second chance" for mankind, was successful in seeking and obtaining this soul transforming Love, where Adam and Eve in their pride and arrogance had failed to do so. Jesus , through his repeated and fervent prayers to the Father over the years of his lifetime, became the very first human being to have undergone a divine transformation of soul. And with this transformation came an additional soulful awareness of his special mission on earth: to both example and teach the rebirth of the soul through the inflow of God's Love in response to fervent and repeated prayer for this immortalizing Gift. In body, Jesus remained a man. But, in soul, Jesus became like unto the Father. Thus, when Jesus' disciple, Phillip, asked to be "shown" the Father, Jesus could soulfully and quite accurately respond, ". . .he that has seen me hath seen the Father." (John 14: 9) By this, he did not mean, as it has been falsely alleged and taught, that he was God incarnate, or even equal to the Father. Rather, quite simply, he meant that the Love Nature of the Father manifested through him. All that really could be "seen" of the Father was this Love that resided in, and emanated from, the transformed soul of Jesus. Through the intervening years following Jesus' death, we are told that some great errors have misplaced the truths that he originally taught. His two greatest truths: 1. God is Love, and 2. spiritual rebirth through the Power of God's Love acting upon and purifying the soul being a prerequisite to Celestial (as contrasted to merely Spiritual) residence, have been all but lost to the world. It is little wonder that Jesus and others of the Celestial Kingdom have been so anxious to resurrect these truths and once again proclaim them accurately to mankind. But let it not be said that the New Testament does not include many truths as well, and at least the following two that speak directly to the reality of Jesus' true mission and the Reality of the Divine Love. Consider these quotes from Jesus to his disciples: "And I have declared unto them Thy Name, and will declare It; that the Love wherewith Thou hast loved me may be in them." (John 17: 26) {italics mine} was Jesus' prayer pointing the Way to true salvation and residence in the Celestial Kingdom. Jesus said further: ". . .and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves. . .That they may be one; as Thou Father art in me, and I in Thee, that they also (italics mine) may be one in us; that the world may believe that Thou hast sent me." (John 17: 13 and 21) Clearly then, God's Love in the human soul is what saves, transforms, and brings a person into at-onement with the Soul of God, not the personage of Jesus or a mere belief in his alleged deity, or his unjustified execution on a cross as an alleged sacrifice for the sins of mankind. And when Jesus made his several references to ". . .the Father is in me and I in Him," he was speaking only of the Love bond that existed - the uniting of Soul with soul through the inflow of the Father's Love. How then does God speak to man? He "speaks" to man Soul to soul, and His "voice" is Love! Furthermore, God Himself does not reside in Jesus, in man, in animals, plants or minerals, for the Father has His Own Residence high up in the Celestial Heavens. It is God's Gift of life that resides in all the creatures of God. And with this life given to man has been added the wonderful gift of natural love that man may choose or not choose to exercise. Ah, but the Divine Love, that is another matter! It is also one of offered choice but not one of inheritance, as is the natural love capacity that we are born with. This is an additional Gift held in reserve, and which requires prayerful effort and soulful seeking in order to obtain and possess It. And there is only one Way to obtain It: through the fervent and sustained asking for It. It is a Gift that is only given when the human soul calls out to the Divine Soul, our Creator, with great longing for that Love. To those who have not yet sought or received this Divine Love, perhaps one better way to describe this experience is to say that, in Its reception, It is unlike any other feeling that we have ever experienced. But, in fact, in part, it is this difference from any other feeling we have ever known that lets us perceive that this Love comes from God and not from ourselves. But, as I say, this is only a part of it. "Difference" implies only "something new." It must also be emphasized that this experience can be profound in Its impact and includes spiritual revelations of Truth and a Peace that passes all understanding in Its effect. For a moment of time, Soul and soul embrace, if you will, and, in this "fusion," one cannot distinguish or separate Soul from soul. A more beautiful experience of Oneness cannot be overly recommended! Well, good reader, if you have read this far, you will have both my testimony and its backing by the words of Jesus himself, as contained in the passages I have quoted. Why do I write to you? Because I do not want you to be satisfied with merely the purification of your soul through soul cleansing in the spirit world, which can be a prolonged and soulfully anguishing process, we are told, but rather that you strive beyond the Adam and Eve condition of original purity to the exaltation of soul that may be yours in turning to the Father for the supreme estate He freely offers: residence in His Very Own Divine Kingdom by seeking His Divine Love and at-onement with Him through prayer. I encourage you to listen to the "still small voice within," for it reminds us that our true home is with God. We know that our eventual "arrival" will be glorious. But let us not forget or lose appreciation of all the excitement and joyous anticipation that is ours on the "journey" itself! From God we came, and to God we must return. But will it be as merely finite souls, originally bestowed, or as souls well on their way to the soulful knowledge of immortality and at-onement with our Loving Creator in His Celestial Kingdom? He desires our love and only awaits giving us His Love for the sincere, soulful asking. I leave you now with this final thought: My testimony and the words of Jesus himself put aside for the moment, intellectual persuasion is not sufficient of itself for the actual rebirth of the soul to start to take place. Complete confirmation is not possible unless one acts upon the advice given. So, with all my heart, I would encourage you to try what I like to refer to as the "Grand Experiment." When at some time you come to feel a strong desire for a reciprocal communication with God, go to Him with deep longing and beseech Him for His Precious Love. Let your soul's longing reach up to His Great Soul with a fairly prolonged attempt to establish soul to Soul contact. It is the intensity of your yearning, not your words, which is the crucial variable. And don't be discouraged if a response is not immediately forthcoming. There is a threshold of soulful longing, below which no response will be felt but above which you will definitely feel to varying degrees - this in direct proportion to the purity and intensity of your longing at any particular time. And certainly don't just try once and, with perhaps receiving no immediate response, consider your limited experiment a failure. To receive the Divine and Immortalizing Love of God in your heart and soul is surely worth your very best efforts in terms of both the intensity and frequency that you can bring to bear. Lastly, I can assure you that when you are successful you will know that you are feeling something way beyond speculation or doubt as to the Source of the inflow you will experience. Your soul will have incontrovertible proof of the Reality of God's Divine Love - a Love that when entering the soul will remain and can never be lost or taken from you through all eternity. God loves you and wants your love in return. His Great Gift awaits your response. Thank you for your kind attention and God bless you. Your brother and friend in God's Love, Dr. David R. Lampron
Ron - My Testimony But I receive not testimony from man: but these things I say, that ye might be saved. John 5:34 (KJV) The beginning of my faith. My faith in God started when I was very young, I cannot remember how old I was when I started church, but I am sure my family reared me into the belief in God from birth. I had one grandfather who was a Full Assembly of God pastor and the other grandfather was a Jehovah's Witness. Early in my life the first church of which I was reared in was a Foursquare church. They believed in the Holy Spirit, and that all the gifts were available to use now as was to the original disciples. I too believe this. I practiced a lot of prayer and praying for the sick, even my friends sick animals. My friends called me Ron the Baptist because of my faith. My family life was rough. I had an emotional problem. I am sure that this problem was due to the strictness of my father. I feared my father and kept all of this turmoil inside. Jesus became one of my closest friends. My anger and hatred towards my father would not change for years. I had changed churches twice and dropped out in my junior year of high school because of the conflict with my job and sports. My parents always prompted me to go to church but they never attended. This never changed my faith in God, but my animal appetites and desires soon led me astray.
As a Young Adult Soon I went to Oregon to go to college. Here began a change in my life. My roommate was a hypnotist, he would advertise around campus that he could help change their grades from C's and D's to A's and B's. Many called, but few would show. He would hypnotize them, and would regress them into a memory of a past life. In these lives he would find out about the fears they had and he would tell them that in this life they were to overcome their fears to experience all God had in store for them. Mind you that I was going to a Baptist church and I was just a witness for him. I never once allowed him to hypnotize me. He would teach them self hypnosis and how to use this in class to remember and recall all that had been taught. I did not practice this, but latter in my life I applied some of the techniques to my own studies. As of today I still do not believe in past life experiences but spirits that attach themselves to the person that is spiritually mediumistic, and through them give them the feeling of being somewhere before. My roommate also had introduced to me Nostradames and Edgar Cayce. I found them interesting but did not believe in them as I did the Bible. We practiced pyramid experiments and found them to be real. All of this led me to believe more in spirituality than I was taught in the orthodox religion I was reared in. Soon I went into Vietnam. Spent 2 years 4 months and 10 days in the Navy as a Sonar Technician. During this period I did not go to church and my animal appetites were acted on. I became a drug user and a sexually active person. When I got out of the Navy I moved back to the area where I was originally from. At this time I was still a drug user and soon to become a dealer. My faith in God never changed and I was always ready for a debate as to whether God existed or not. My faith never left me; I should say God never left me. For 13 years I was a drug dealer and sex abuser.
Addictions I got married when I was 23 and she was 18. We were in love, but years of drugs and alcohol took their toll on our lives and our marriage. We had two children, Krystle and Dustin, and I love them very much. I loved my wife also but she wanted to remain high all the time. It was a problem that consisted of our love for other things than for each other. We had separated when my daughter was 2 1/2 and my son was 1. After 9 months of separation she did not want the children anymore, only because she was not ready to get her life together to raise them, she was still in the party stage of life. I stayed on and off drugs and dealing them for almost 15 years. There was nothing that I did not try with the exception of needles. I became addicted to cocaine, as was my wife. I have a feeling this was the start of the break down of our relationship.
Turning towards God I became a single parent. For a year and a half I stayed single. Then I decided to have a girl friend - who fought with me all the time. This lasted on and off for three years. I continued to do drugs and stay in the party life. I was bar hoping on the nights that I could get a babysitter for my children. Then my father died in 1984, which was a turning point in my life. At this time I prayed out to God for help. I prayed that if he would send me a woman that would help me see His ways I would live the rest of my life for Him. 2 months later I met my wife Lori. We dated for two years then got married. When I had asked her to marry me I told her about the prayer to God, and that we were to totally change our lives to honor Him because of my agreement. Today I still know that my wife is a gift from God.
My New Life Soon after getting married we started attending church. I went back to the Foursquare church and she went back to Lutheran church, which she was raised in. After two years of marriage we moved from Torrance CA to Lakewood CA, we both agreed that it would be better for the family if we were to attend the same church. We became members of the Grace Brethren church; this was a good middle church that we both could feel comfortable in. We soon had a child between us, Dylan Lee. We all attended there for 3 years. The Brethren church taught me the fundamentals of Christianity. I was very eager to learn all I could. I was very active, I listened to Christian radio, at least 5 sermons a day. I would take notes and study all the time. My life and my family were getting morally right with God.
Ministry I had got involved with a new ministry, Promise Keepers. They were instrumental in my increase of faith. This was to do with a meeting in southern CA. This was the first leadership meeting in California. The one thing I remember was that I was told that in order to have a right relationship with God that I must have a right relationship with my earthly father. Well I stood up to receive prayer, and while a dozen men laid hands on me I prayed for God to forgive all that my father had done to me and I asked my father to forgive me and God to forgive my father. I would say this was a major evening in my walk with God. I felt so relieved and loved that I was so sure that my father was released from my hatred towards him. I am so sure that all need to pray for the relatives that had passed on. Soon I was told that we were not supposed to pray for the dead. I still do not believe in that. This was the first real gain in my faith that God loves everyone, even the souls that have passed onto the spirit life. At the first Promise Keepers conference in Southern CA I had met a young man, Ray. I sensed that he was a new believer and that he had no one to give him guidance. I became his friend and took him everywhere with me. I prayed with him and for him all the time. We became close. He had many problems with demons. He had practiced witchcraft and casting spells at people. I was not afraid of him or the demons. I knew that God loved him and he needed a friend more than ever now. The church I was attending did not know how to deal with Ray and his problems of occultism. I had fallen into sin and sought the pastor's help. He had told me that Ray was my problem and that I need to quit associating with him. I replied the Jesus said "It is better to find the one lost sheep than it is to spend all of my time with the 99". I never went to another sermon at that church. Soon after the first conference I was approached by Promise Keepers to become an active member in the Los Angeles area Task Force. I fasted and prayed for God's guidance. I had a dream, which verified I should go into this area of ministry.
Dealing with my addictions I was also dealing with my sins and demons. When my addictions and cravings for drugs were gone I found that I was addicted to sex. I had prayed and fasted and sought God for this constantly. During the many men's meetings, which I attended 3 times a week, I found that a very large percent of men have this same problem. I would fast and pray for help, but I would many times give in to the lust. I thought this was a demon that I had let into my life. The Grace Brethren church did not have much teaching on demons so I sought out a friend at work who lead me through Neil Anderson's Bondage Breakers book. Soon after that teaching he invited me to a church that was in a revival. It was the Anaheim Vineyard. I had no idea what faith or creed they were. I trusted my friend's opinion on this matter. He said that if there were any demons attacking me I could receive prayer there.
The Power Struck Me I called my wife and told her what I was going to do. I fasted all day and prayed for over 2 hours. I knew God was going to meet me there. During the worship time we were into the 5th or 6th song, I had my hands raised into the air (which my church never did) then it was as though something grabbed onto my hands and started shaking them. I quickly lowered them in shock, not knowing what was going on. I continued to worship and my hands continued to shake no matter what position they were in. I was not able to write any notes from the sermon because of my condition. I did not fear what was happening to me, I gave it to God in worship. After the sermon was over I went up to a room so the clergy could explain what was happing to us. During this time they explained that they really did not know what was happening to everyone but they were sure it was from God because of the testimonies and changed lives which were the results. I remained in prayer for God to watch over me. Soon I found myself lowering a girl, which had fallen backwards into me. When I lowered her to the ground and started praying over her my upper torso started shaking more. I heard a lady weeping loudly and I walked to her to pray for her when my whole body stated shaking. I stood there for 20 minutes, hands together praying and praising God. There was this lady in her latter years rocking a baby in her hands off to the right hand side of me about 10 feet away, she watched me during this whole time. After the shaking in my whole body had resided to just my arms again I went to go find my friends. When I walked into this hallway there stood this lady. She told me that God is going to do a mighty work through me. I did not at that time understand what he was going to do. The next day I went around work confessing Christ as the savior and talking with each engineer 1 on 1 with the message of the gospel. Many things happened out of this, including finally having to leave the Brethren church because of them telling me that my failures were due to my friendship with the young man. I told my pastor that it is more important to find the lost sheep than it is hanging out with the saved. This was the last time I went to this church. I wrote a letter expressing my concern for this whole ordeal and sent it out to all the elders. Later I went back and asked the pastor for forgiveness. He has retired now and we departed as brothers in Christ.
Growing In Christ The Promise Keeper ministry took off, and so did I. I went from church to church talking with pastors all over Los Angeles. I expressed to them that no matter what denomination they were they are to love their brothers and the church across the street. I soon found that the Agape Love, which comes from above, is lacking in the church. I was very confused as to why, and God did not give me any answers yet as to this problem that I saw. The Task Force grew, not because of me, but because of the Love of God in me for this ministry which was uniting the churches together. I held this leader position for 2+ years. Soon the dogma and man's ways crept into the ministry and it started to strangle the spirit lead effort. I differed with ideas on how the ministry should be run, I always said "Led by the Spirit" and they would always say, "We need the direction of man and the written word and prayer". This was when I noticed a difference in my relationship with God; the spirit led me more than the orthodox protestant way of the written word. I remember we were to have this meeting on reconciliation for the clergy in our area. The pastor for the church that we were to have the meeting called. His concern was as to whether or not I had invited and Catholic Priests. I told him yes and why? He said that he could not reconcile with a catholic because of the type of Mass they hold. I asked him to answer this one question - "Did Jesus ever treat Judas any different from the other disciples?" He then said we could hold the meeting at the church. Well, the meeting was not well attended. I was confused as to why the clergy are so against any type of meeting as this. For a year I sought an answer, when in truth the only answers are that they feel they do not need to be reconciled or they lack the Agape Love for one another.
No One Cares What You Know Until They Know How
Much You Care There was this man at work who knew I was a Christian. He would yell down the hallway "Hey Christian man, the lions are going to get you", then laugh. I would reply "You need to dust off that bible that your mom gave you and read the book of Daniel" and laugh back. He was disliked by all the women at work because he would not leave them alone and most of the men did not associate with him because of his vulgar mouth. We would cross paths more and more. I would pass him by in the hallways and ask him how he was doing, then one day he asked me if I really wanted to know, I told him yes. He took me to his office. The encounter lasted for 2 hours. He had many problems. He asked me to pray for him but not in his presence, he said he needed a woman and that he was lonely. I told him about my relationship with God and he too could have this relationship. He did not want to go that far yet. About 2 months latter we were both in the restroom at the same time. He told me that he had not received a woman yet so my prayers are not working. And that he picked up the bible and started to read it but could not understand a "stinking word in it!" I told him that unless God removes the veil from him eyes he would not understand a word in it. He charged at me, getting in my face and shaking, saying that "He would never tell that to anyone!" I thought he was going to hit me. He then charged out of the restroom. I prayed to God "What did I do?" About an hour latter I saw him walking past my office. I went out and called him to me. I asked him "Not many people like you around here do they?" He shook his head yes. I said "The women around here dislike you very much because you do not leave them alone", he shook his head yes. I said, "You have the most vulgar mouth of anyone I have heard!" He said yes. Then I got in his face and looked into his eyes and said, "No matter what you do, I love you and you can trust that I will always listen to you and pray for you." He started to cry. Within a week a friend of his from high school called and invited him to join their men's group. You see no one cares what you know until they know how much you care!
God Loves Everyone Now my focus was that God's Love plays an important act in our salvation. I learned that the greatest gift of the Holy Spirit is His Love. Jesus told the church at Ephesus to repent and to return to their first love. Many are concerned with the written word as their focus and study, but I started to return to more of the spirit and prayer. I was holding to the promise that God would write His word in our hearts, and that we would no longer need a teacher because he would make known all things to us. I still believe in this New Covenant with all my heart. During this time our family became part of a church that seemed to have much of the Love qualities of God in it. My family grew in this love. I became a part of the worship team serving God with the gift a music he gave me. My pastor was very supportive of the Promise Keeper ministry. The children are very active in the church.
Seeking God's Love In September of 1997 we had a 40 day prayer/ fast leading up to the Stand in the Gap meeting in Washington DC. During this time, which I fasted 20 of these days, including my wife and I fasting 11 days straight, my life started to change. It was that summer when I took a friend to a PK conference. He was in a wheel chair so I sat with him in the disabled section near the front of the stadium. I sat near the deaf section also. The disabilities were in every fashion and form. This is when I had thought "How would you tell a deaf, dumb and blind man about God and Jesus?" This is how I have the motto that I stand for today: "LOVE the Hell out of People!" So during this prayer/ fast time I prayed constantly for God to pour His Love into me so that I could love all other as he does. During this time I went to pray with 5 pastors at a friend of mine's church. I also continued to pray for this Love so that I could love all others as He does. My life and spirit started to change, as did one of the other pastors' that prayed this prayer with me. This pastor was a Korean pastor; we prayed for one hour every weekday for 6 months. We prayed for God's Love to abound in and through us so we could love our families as He does, so we could love the homeless as He does, so we could love the lost as He does, so we could love our Church as he does. The prayers were very intense. After 4 months we both noticed a change. The other pastors noticed a change. One pastor went before his congregation and repented and told them that he had not loved them as God Loved them and that he needed to be at the church more than into evangelism. The whole church broke down and cried. The movement of God's Divine Love was present in all we were doing and saying.
Seeking More of God's Love For the last year before these prayers I had been involved with Muslim apologetics. They had many questions to ask. This caused me to do much research. This research was mostly based on the bible being without errors. Little by little I started to understand where the bible had originated from and how old are the manuscripts which we have to base this knowledge on. I stood in favor of the King James, even though all of the oldest documents do not support the KJV. I started to read a lot more on this controversy, and became disturbed as to why a pastor would teach that the KJV is the only version and all others are perverted works of other than orthodox believers. I started learning more about the Trinitarian beliefs, and how these beliefs were around thousands of years before Jesus. I learned about the other religions in Rome and Greece and Egypt at the time of Jesus. To say the least I was blown away at the similarities of the Jesus and the pagan gods of those times. I learned the different theologies of the Egyptian church and the Roman church and how the Roman church kicked out the Egyptian church because they did not submit to their school of thought. During this time I stood fast to all that I was taught, the Protestant school of thought. The Muslims would argue that God is also a God of war. I tried to teach them that God was Love, but it was hard because the Qur'an does not mention that attribute of God. This had disturbed me, knowing deep in my heart that God is Love. So I started to study this aspect of God, researching in the library and Internet for other people who had experienced the same things as we had. I wanted to find some writings to support my stand other than the bible. This is when I came upon the James Padgett messages from Jesus.
The Messages The messages are from Jesus and many of the other disciples and other spirits from the spirit world, spirits of light and dark spirits. You see I have always been a believer that if demons (evil spirits) could talk to or control man then so can angels (good spirits). Even John says to test the spirits to see who they say Jesus is. If they say that Jesus has come in the flesh is from God, than this is a spirit to listen too. John says in the messages to now test the spirits to check if they are teaching about the Born Again principle of God's Divine Love being placed into your heart and making you at-one with God. Well these messages challenged my orthodox views. I have prayed and fasted about these things that were at war with my mind. But my soul has won, and the truth is now more evident than before. The Plan of salvation is a bit different than the blood theory; it has to do with God's Love. When I first read these messages I cried for an hour. Now it is the time to take a stand and reveal to all what I have learned. I will continue in prayer and fast and study. As long as I am seeking God, He will hold me close to Him. In Him there is no fear, only peace. NO, He is not a god of war. The only war to be concerned with is the one for our soul, the war within.
My Departure from Orthodoxy Sept 25, 1998 I had a meeting with my worship leader/co-pastor of my church. I gave him my testimony - everything was great until I mentioned that I did not believe that Jesus was God and that I thought there were errors in the bible (a belief that would have had me killed a hundred years ago). Right away he told me that it was an issue of pride and that the head pastor had offered me prayer and that a new age demon was attached to me and that I could no longer be a part of any ministry within the church. What a relief that I do not have to worship Jesus as God anymore. I do praise and honor him and love Jesus very much, but all of my worship goes to God. When I got home I felt real sad and rejected, I really wanted to state my case of how I came upon with these conclusions, but we were out of time. He said his door is always open to me, but I am sure it will be on his terms of orthodoxy only. I called Ray and he was very supportive. I also e-mailed my new friend Joan and spoke with other leaders within the New Birth Church - they all were very supportive. I know in my heart I have peace about this whole issue. God's Love is still growing daily as He pours into my soul His great gift of Divine Love. Soon I will grow into Christ Likeness. I look forward to the day when we will be able to teach and heal all the people that have faith.
March 99 - Now I know the TRUTH. God loves everyone unconditionally! I have been with members of my New Birth Church and the Church of Divine Truth. The Love is there and we are growing. I am studying the messages and teaching them to many around the world on chat groups and E-mail. There is no fear in Love! I Jn 4:16-21 And we know and have believed the love which God hath in us. God is love; and he that abideth in love abideth in God, and God abideth in him. Herein is love made perfect with us, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as he is, even so are we in this world. There is no fear in love: but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath punishment; and he that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love, because he first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, cannot love God whom he hath not seen. And this commandment have we from him, that he who loveth God love his brother also. (ASV)
The Spirit Teaches - 1 Cor 2:13-16 (KJV) ...Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man. For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.
I love all, as the Father Loves me! In Christ,
I came to the Truths of God's Love through the back door, so to speak. Born and raised an atheist, I was taught to feel sorry for those who needed the "crutch" of religion. Clearly we of "superior intelligence" had no need for such superstition, I thought. Little did I know the changes that were in store for me. In my early teens I was swept up in the "hippie movement," and as all of my pop idols were giving free testimonials as to the wonderful power of mind expanding drugs, I was soon investigating this new frontier for myself. It was observed by an Indian guru that we Westerners are so materialistic that we need a pill to find God. I guess I'd have to go along with that: In six hours one little hallucinogenic drug pill managed to lay waste to my entire materialistic cosmology. I've read theories which suggest that psychedelic drugs induce a biological state similar to a near death experience; that would work as an explanation for some of my experiences. They seem to have the effect of taking one out of their body -- and when one suddenly realizes that they are not their body, and by inference, that nothing in the material is as it appears, one can never go back to a simple materialistic explanation of existence. I spent the next decade rather frantically searching for some answers - sifting through the "sacred books" of all the major religions, as well as delving into many of the more esoteric teachings, which were enjoying a renaissance as the term "New Age" found its way into our vocabulary. I had a strong conviction that there was a "God" behind all of this, but as to the questions of who He was, and what He wanted of us, I had not a clue. After 10 years of seeking, I realized that the most profound truth I could utter was "God only knows." I guess that someone up there saw the earnestness of my seeking, and decided to lead me by the hand to what I was searching for. A series of (in retrospect} humorous coincidences occurred. I met and found myself attracted to a woman who happened to go by the name Spirit. She happened to be going to a talk at a bookstore that evening, and I went along (not caring in the slightest what the talk was about). It turns out that the bookstore was also a Unity church, but the minister seemed to be speaking about topics which are not normally part of the Unity curriculum. I remember him describing his encounter with several spirits who had been hiding in the back storeroom of his bookstore. He related how he had scolded them for wasting their time in this way, and how they were surprised that he could see them... That was the first time I'd ever considered the possibility of such mortal-spirit communication. In all my years of spiritual seeking, that had been one topic I’d never taken a deep interest in - too "spooky," I guess. A short time later I was looking for a mechanic, and was referred to an ex-race car mechanic named Whitey. People said he was an excellent mechanic, but that I would most likely have to endure a Christian sales pitch from him at some point. Sure enough, as he completed his work he started to lecture me about the dangers of "Spiritualism." I had never heard the term before and had no idea what it meant, but I nodded my head in agreement, hoping that he would not go on about it too much longer. As I left I still didn't know what Spiritualism was, but my curiosity certainly was piqued... A short time after that a new housemate moved in where I was living. She seemed quite happy, and for no apparent reason. I wondered if she was perhaps using some exotic new drug. I soon learned that she was deeply involved in some religious movement. She mentioned with eager anticipation that "the volumes" were due to arrive in the mail any day. I didn't ask, "What volumes?" I didn't want any more books. I was tired of books, which after all these years had failed to answer my most pressing questions. One day this person asked me to "project truth" for her while she received a message from her "spirit guide". Not wanting to offend her, I consented. She told me that I simply needed to hold a desire for truth, and as I did this she began speaking: "I am here, George Stokes, a Celestial Angel and follower of our Master Jesus. Even Doug in his skepticism feels my presence..." I found myself feeling flustered and feverish, because in fact I did feel his presence. It was a warm and loving presence, though, unlike the energies that I had felt in many of my other "spiritual experiences." George spoke a few words to me which left me with the feeling that he knew me through and through, perhaps better than I knew myself. His words left me with a feeling of upliftment and optimism. I was hungry for more. Well, the Volumes eventually arrived, and I found myself reading them with a voracious appetite. Here finally was the Truth that I had been longing and searching for. I felt the same energy while reading the messages that I had felt listening to George. It was truth, bathed in love. And without articulating the thought, I realized then that love is indeed the highest truth, and that one way to recognize a high truth is by the cloak of love that it wears. Since the day that I started consciously praying for God's Love, I know that the Angels have never left me alone. I have not necessarily been a model disciple -- quarrelsome, doubt filled, so often ready to give up. But they have never given up on me. And from their example I eventually realized that God would never give up on me either. We may choose to take the long road or the short road home, but God will still be patiently waiting for us - waiting to take us to His arms of Love. Doug
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